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The Schmokelberg Protocol

protocols go both ways


the long awaited release of "The Protocol"

by our guest Editor Prof. Quimbo Schmokelberg

The Schmokelberg Protocol

In dealing with online call centres you may be asked to observe their "Protocols". In these circumstances you have a right to know what these Protocols are and to have verification of their existence. If an antagonist (party of the first part) claims that they have a protocol that must be followed, ask for a copy of that protocol. If they won’t provide you with a copy of that protocol or if you aren’t confident about the adequacy of that protocol, tell them that you will be following the Schmokelberg Protocol (hereinafter referred to as “The Protocol”) and offer to provide them with a copy of the Schmokelberg Protocol:



The Schmokelberg Protocol (hereinafter referred to as “The Protocol”)


The Protocol should be applied in cases where you are being asked by the antagonist (hereinafter referred to as “the party of the first part”) to transfer money.

If you have any doubts, before preceding:


  1. Verify the facts

1.1    Contact your bank to verify any presupposed transactions.

1.2    Independently verify the identities of the parties of the first part.

1.2.1    Collect company name and department title.

1.2.2    Get names, positions, employee and badge numbers.

1.2.3    Call the company’s published contact number.

1.2.4    Asked to be transferred to the appropriate department.

1.2.5    Ask for the appropriate employee by name and ID.

1.3    Verify any claims about legal processes, financial procedures or tax liability.

1.3.1    Look up any claimed laws.

1.3.2    Research financial procedures.

1.3.3    Contact the Internal Revenue Service for clarification.


  1. Seek legal advice

2.1    Contact your legal representative to intercede on your behalf.

2.1.1    Verify that all procedures you are being asked to follow are legal.

2.1.2    Obtain details of the party of the first part’s legal counsel.

2.1.3    Provide these details to your legal counsel.

2.2    Contact a financial advisor.

2.2.1    Verify tax implications.

2.2.2    Ascertain the amount of any compensation due you.

2.2.3    Verify any financial procedure claims.


  1. Consider whether possession is adverse or propitious

3.1    Determine if the funds were “freely given” under the “non hoc tua” directive.

3.2    Verify that the jurisdiction has ratified the relevant Hague Convention.

3.3    Verify that the jurisdiction has ratified the relevant United Nations Convention.

3.4    Determine if step 4 of The Protocol applies to this possession.


  1. Verify that Professional Responsibility has been observed

4.1    Check that procedures and processes were OPR circular 230 compliant.

4.1.1    Verify that inadequate artificial intelligence was not relied upon.

4.1.2    Verify that provision of opportunity for correction was made available.

4.1.3    Verify that the transaction was reversible.

4.1.4    Verify that any transfer amount was determined by the party responsible for the transfer.


  1. Check for miscellaneous applicable laws

5.1    Make sure the “Pre-Offset Exemption Amendment” to the Internal Revenue Code of 1986 was applied.

5.2    Verify that secrecy did not trigger the “Concealment Conspiracy Legality Transmogrification” provisions of the Antitrust Fiduciary Practices legislation (the so-called Cover-up Catch-all).